Thursday, October 09, 2014
What an extremely loaded word. One word can launch a thousand arguments and opinions. They range from "No one will ever be over me" to "I happily give all authority of my life to you", and everywhere in between.
Where do I fall? It probably depends on the day you ask me.
What I CAN tell you is that God taught me a very valuable lesson when it comes to submitting to my husband when we were dealing with the homeschool/public school issue.
If you had asked me before hand, I would have told you I was a submissive wife. I knew my husband was the head of our family and that I needed to submit to him because the Lord told me to in His Word and yada yada yada...
In reality? Apparently I believed I was in charge.
There have been few "big" decisions in our marriage, but I have always had the attitude (inwardly, not necessarily outwardly) that I could sway that decision if I really wanted to. See, confession time.
This decision? My husband stuck to his guns. I was torn up about sending the kids off to school, but he insisted that this was the time. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I was begging God to tell me what to do and had no peace either way.
God - silence.
During one conversation about this issue I stood in the kitchen crying and saying "Why won't God just answer me? I truly want to do what's right for our kids, but He's telling me nothing!"
When the time was short and a decision had to be made all I could do was..... submit.
When I finally said the words out loud (well, I texted them) that John was the head of our home and if he thought it was the right thing to do then we would do it, do you know what came?
I no longer wanted to cry every time we talked about it. I got excited about school shopping. I realized how much time I would have to myself and it felt (guiltily) freeing.
This decision for our family was a huge one. It changed everything from our schedules to our free time. God swayed my husband's heart to move our kids into the public school realm.
My husband's. Not mine.
He spoke words of truth for our family to my husband. Not to me. My role was to submit to what God told him.
Funny how God actually works the way He says He does.
*Update on school progress: The first six weeks is over and the report cards...... between the two of them all A's and only two B's!!*
Photo credit: Time Warp Wife
Thursday, September 18, 2014
The beginning of a series:
Lessons Learned in the Decision to Public School
I have something to admit. This is hard. I'm not kidding or being silly, it's hard to say this.
Homeschooling was drowning me.
I realize it now. I can look back after a month of my kids being in "school" and see that I was letting homeschooling take over my parenting. I was stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, and always behind. Because of those things, I don't think I was being a very good parent.
Which is funny, because people who don't homeschool think homeschoolers are some sort of super parents. That's not always true, folks.
I was always worried that no matter what I did, I was leaving something out of their learning. This drove me a little too much, and instead of overcompensating I would just shut down.
Reading with my kid's wasn't something fun and bonding, it was educational. Cooking with my daughter? Math, not fun. Game night? Learning games, math, blah blah.
Have you seen that Walmart commercial with the woman holding the chart of where she buys her vitamins and when the other woman takes it away from her and shows her the simpler option of going to Walmart she sighs and says "thank you"? That is me, with God, about homeschooling in this stage of life.
I was not enjoying my children, I was educating them. This is NOT the purpose of homeschooling. Homeschooling should bring a family closer, but it was making me a bad Mommy.
I've been thinking a lot about my parenting lately, and I don't want to be a Mom who's kid's are super intelligent but think their Mom is all work and no play.
Now, not all homeschoolers are me. I know some amazing ones. Women who defy logic in how well they school and how they love their children. And, I'll be honest, I still think homeschooling is the best option. If you can do it. Properly.
Will I give up homeschooling forever? God knows. Will my kids do one semester, or the next 10 years? God knows. But I know that God is teaching me many lessons through this "sabbatical" from homeschooling, and this has been one of them.
Today, when my kids get home from school, instead of drilling them about homework and what they learned, I'm going to give them cookies and watch the Smurfs with them. I'm going to look into their eyes and see who they are, not what they are learning.
And tomorrow I think we'll have a party. One month of public school (and doing well!) deserves a cake.
And not one shaped like a book.