How do people without faith do this? I ask myself this question constantly. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that God truly is in control and He knows what He's doing, even when I do not.
And I do not. At all.
I hope to be able to update you not long from now with news of what God's plans were, but the truth is that I may never know. I am constantly amazed at how God seems to move heaven and earth for just one person. Maybe my delusions of some grand purpose is really just that He wanted me to move in next to the lady next door and help her not be so lonely?
Isn't that beautiful? And frustrating? That God would change my whole life just for that one thread in the tapestry, that one link to another human being that branches off into something beautiful one day? A day that I may never see? How can I expect to be better than the heroes of the faith in Hebrews 12, who never saw their dreams fulfilled? Why do we expect more than what they had? And yet we do, don't we?
We have been raised to think that our generation has a purpose, that we will end homelessness/sex trafficking/bad water/child labor/insert your social justice issue here. And I truly believe God wants all of those things to happen. I truly believe that God has a purpose for some of us that is grand and large scale and worthy of book-writing.
I also believe someone's purpose is to sit and chat with the lonely widow next door.
We just have to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading in our lives. Right now I know that He is telling me to move to Lubbock, to be obedient in action and in heart. He's also whispering a few other things in my life that I'm sure I'll share soon. Let's just say things are going to change.
What a beautiful mess.