The Beautiful Mess

There's just so much right now.  So much.  Saying goodbye to my friends in Fort Smith has just been down right hard, and it has only just begun.  Tomorrow night I have a goodbye dinner with a group of ladies that have become such an important part of my life.  A group of ladies I JUST found in the last year,  just one of the many things I'm am asking God about right now.  That's after a coffee meeting last night, a dinner with a sweet couple from church, a last meeting with my Wife Life group, and the list seems to go on and on. 

How do people without faith do this?  I ask myself this question constantly.  The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that God truly is in control and He knows what He's doing, even when I do not.

And I do not.  At all.

I hope to be able to update you not long from now with news of what God's plans were, but the truth is that I may never know.  I am constantly amazed at how God seems to move heaven and earth for just one person.  Maybe my delusions of some grand purpose is really just that He wanted me to move in next to the lady next door and help her not be so lonely? 

Isn't that beautiful?  And frustrating?  That God would change my whole life just for that one thread in the tapestry, that one link to another human being that branches off into something beautiful one day?  A day that I may never see?  How can I expect to be better than the heroes of the faith in Hebrews 12, who never saw their dreams fulfilled?  Why do we expect more than what they had?  And yet we do, don't we?

We have been raised to think that our generation has a purpose, that we will end homelessness/sex trafficking/bad water/child labor/insert your social justice issue here.  And I truly believe God wants all of those things to happen.  I truly believe that God has a purpose for some of us that is grand and large scale and worthy of book-writing.

I also believe someone's purpose is to sit and chat with the lonely widow next door.

We just have to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading in our lives.  Right now I know that He is telling me to move to Lubbock, to be obedient in action and in heart.  He's also whispering a few other things in my life that I'm sure I'll share soon.  Let's just say things are going to change.

What a beautiful mess.

What about you?  What is He whispering to YOU?  Not to everyone else, not the latest bestseller to hit Lifeway, but YOU? 

Worlds Collide

Who remembers George Costanza on Seinfeld freaking out because his "world's are colliding"?  Well, lately I've been feeling the same way.  Right now I am in SO many different worlds I am actually getting confused.
  
There is:

-The world I live in in Fort Smith
-The world I am moving to in Lubbock
-The world of my college days because I just got finished with a reunion
-The world of family because I'm visiting them in Florida (when I used to visit them in Arkansas, which is confusing as well...)

Last week I sat on my sweet friend's porch in Fort Smith, and while chatting with her I received texts from college friends about the reunion, and texts from new friends in Lubbock.  It felt like I had too many balls in the air.   You may love lots of balls flying in unison, I juggle with just one.  Yep, just one.

I am aware that would look weird.

After church this Sunday the pastor took us out to lunch and my husband started talking about a fellow college minister of ours.  I had a good two minutes of complete confusion about why my husband would talk with the pastor about her, did he even know her?  Where were we, are we talking about people in the same world?

Blank.  Complete Blank.

It took me a good two minutes to catch up to the fact that yes, we were still in the same town as that college minister, and yes the pastor did know her.  That's when I realized that my world was WAY too upside down right now.  It also explains why my children are acting so strangely, we're dragging them through all these worlds as well.  I don't feel stressed, but my body is telling me differently.  My tongue has blisters all down the sides, it's as if every time I eat my body says "Knock, knock.  You have NO idea what's going on in here".

At our BSU (BCM) reunion this past weekend, the band played "Your Love Never Fails" by Jesus Culture, and even though I've heard it so many times, it truly touched something in my soul that I needed to be reminded of:

Nothing can separate Even if I ran away
Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails

Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails


The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone here in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good

God reminded me that I don't have to be afraid.  Even though the oceans are raging, His love never fails.  He stays the same through the ages.  Through all the "worlds", I will always have the number one lover of my soul.

Has God reminded you of this lately?  

First Trip and Being Mindful

Do you  have a hard time reminding yourself to be mindful?  To remember to be in the present, realize that these are memories you're making?  I sure as heck do.  I get so caught up in getting things done, or how tired I am, or what I want that I forget all the time.

This weekend we are in our new soon-to-be-hometown.  It was my kid's first flight, first time in Lubbock, our first Sunday at the church, first room service, and the whole time here has made me remember staying in the hotel the first time we came to our last assignment.  Which let's me know that one day I will remember this hotel as the one we stayed in the first weekend, the places we eat as the ones we ate at, the pool the kids are enjoying as an awesome first weekend. 

I need to stop being so reactive.  I feel like my whole life sometimes is just reacting to what's in front of me, rather than enjoying the moments.  Maybe it has something to do with needing to drink more coffee.

Do you have a hard time with this?  This "reactive Momma" tends to think all other mommas are making mental scrapbooks of their kids milestones while I try to find clean underwear in a suitcase.

I do not want to go down to the pool again.  The last thing I want this morning is to put on a swimsuit.  Can anything go RIGHT after you put on a swimsuit?  Especially one you bought last year that has a skirt because you realize you are old enough to need a skirt?    BUT, memories.....making memories, being mindful, kid's will love it, I will enjoy it once I'm there, blah blah blah. 

Tell me I'm not the only one?