I'm completely exhausted. I'm coming down with something again and it makes me want to throw up the white flag and surrender. I don't know what or to whom, but I'm ready to do it. Of course I must make the disclaimer that I LOVE my children and would not trade them for anything in the world, but lack of sleep due to motherhood may kill me. I just can't seem to get past the hump of exhaustion to feel better. Sadie sleeps through the night most nights, when we are in a routine, but that's not very often anymore. When we get out of our routine then it takes a few nights for her to get back in the swing of things. So, sometimes Sadie sleeps all night. Jack sleeps through the night, except when he gets a new tooth, or doesn't eat enough at supper, or just feels like waking up. It is a RARE night when both sleep all night. And John has been gone more often than not lately, so I'm the one to get up all the time and I'm so freaking TIRED.
When New Year's rolled around this year I actually sat and thought through the last year and a half of our life and it made me understand a little more of my exhaustion. We moved countries, started a new job, had a baby, lost a father, bought a house, sold a house, moved 4 times, started pastoring a new church, had/have major financial issues, lost a dog and two cats and gained a puppy, and in the last six months both of my children have been constantly sick. Both of us are frayed. I'm sick of being tired, but I can't seem to figure out how to get past it. I'm sick of feeling fat, but my lack of exercise (due to said exhaustion), lack of good eating habits, and aforementioned lack of sleep are doing nothing but making me GAIN freaking weight.
I read the blog I posted right before this and almost laughed. It seems that a few months ago I actually thought through something. I rarely think through things anymore, I'm on autopilot. Spiritually tanked, physcially tanked, mentally tanked, you get the picture. So, I'm asking for prayer and any advice that may actually make a real difference. My sister-in-law asked me today if I have any friends my own age (in close proximity) and I almost laughed. When would I make real friends? Even if I had, I would have moved away from them already. Desha is my only hope, but she's just far enough away that I won't get to see her half as much as I'd like to.
Okay, now this is getting a little too depressing. I just felt like it might make me feel a little better to put it out there and say "Look at me world, I'm tired and I suck."