Need to Breathe

I have rediscovered a band I forgot I like. Do you ever do that? The lyrics from their ultra-hit song "Something Beautiful" describe my state of mind so well right now that I thought I'd share -

"In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want
something beautiful To touch me,
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees,
I'm waiting for something beautiful"

Anyone else out there feel like the older you get, the longer you are a Child of the King - the more your realize you don't know ANYTHING?

I mean - I can spit out all kind of Bible stories and facts and interesting quips about all kinds of topics (I went to SEMINARY for goodness sake), but the closer I lean towards HIM, the more I seek HIM the more I am in awe of this fact -

HE IS GOD
I AM HUMAN
WHY DOES HE FOOL WITH THE LIKES OF ME?

Now, I don't mean that in a self-deprecating sort of way, I just mean it simply for what it is.

I am stumped by prayer.

In awe of grace.

Forgetful of his provision.

Begging for mercy, and wondering why it comes.

Fooling around with cheap, imitation joy when true lasting JOY is offered.

"In your ocean I'm ankle deep...."

And here's the funny thing about this strange God-relationship... I hope I never arrive where I want to be. What a paradox.

It reminds me of another lyric from an oldie-but-goodie Casting Crowns song
"How refreshing to know You don't need me.
How amazing to find that You want me."

He wants me. He loves me. He isn't disappointed when I don't "do enough" for Him, he's disappointed when I don't spend time with Him. It's a relationship, not a employer/employee hierarchy.

Can I say that again? HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES YOU!

I forget that on a daily basis.

"Shoot, I woke up too late to read my Bible this morning...hope I get to it later today during nap time, but then I'm so tired during nap time...."

My mental checklist has an empty box needing to be filled.
He has a HEART wanting to LOVE ME.

"I just want something beautiful to touch me, I know that I am in reach...."

Anyone else out there have a heart that is straining for HIM this Christmas season and realizing just how much HE truly loves YOU, and wondering WHY???

Amazing Grace.

For you, so you can beg for something to beautiful to touch you as well...