Need to Breathe

I have rediscovered a band I forgot I like. Do you ever do that? The lyrics from their ultra-hit song "Something Beautiful" describe my state of mind so well right now that I thought I'd share -

"In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out

Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want
something beautiful To touch me,
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees,
I'm waiting for something beautiful"

Anyone else out there feel like the older you get, the longer you are a Child of the King - the more your realize you don't know ANYTHING?

I mean - I can spit out all kind of Bible stories and facts and interesting quips about all kinds of topics (I went to SEMINARY for goodness sake), but the closer I lean towards HIM, the more I seek HIM the more I am in awe of this fact -

HE IS GOD
I AM HUMAN
WHY DOES HE FOOL WITH THE LIKES OF ME?

Now, I don't mean that in a self-deprecating sort of way, I just mean it simply for what it is.

I am stumped by prayer.

In awe of grace.

Forgetful of his provision.

Begging for mercy, and wondering why it comes.

Fooling around with cheap, imitation joy when true lasting JOY is offered.

"In your ocean I'm ankle deep...."

And here's the funny thing about this strange God-relationship... I hope I never arrive where I want to be. What a paradox.

It reminds me of another lyric from an oldie-but-goodie Casting Crowns song
"How refreshing to know You don't need me.
How amazing to find that You want me."

He wants me. He loves me. He isn't disappointed when I don't "do enough" for Him, he's disappointed when I don't spend time with Him. It's a relationship, not a employer/employee hierarchy.

Can I say that again? HE LOVES ME. HE LOVES YOU!

I forget that on a daily basis.

"Shoot, I woke up too late to read my Bible this morning...hope I get to it later today during nap time, but then I'm so tired during nap time...."

My mental checklist has an empty box needing to be filled.
He has a HEART wanting to LOVE ME.

"I just want something beautiful to touch me, I know that I am in reach...."

Anyone else out there have a heart that is straining for HIM this Christmas season and realizing just how much HE truly loves YOU, and wondering WHY???

Amazing Grace.

For you, so you can beg for something to beautiful to touch you as well...

A little Christmas Happy

There are special things that make a house a home. I thought today I would share a few of those things from our home as an early "Merry Christmas".

1. My little plague that sits next to my sink. Notice it sits in a broken piece of china (I thought that fitting...)


2. Isn't this a nice Christmas card? I don't know who Ann and Fred are. This was sent to us by accident. What I really love about this card is that the picture on it says it was taken in 2007, but they put it on their 2011 card.


3. We don't have cable. We still watch network tv. Last week John added the crowning piece of the rabbit ears....the tin foil.


4. It's ridiculous how happy this giant map makes me.


5. And finally...nothing says romance in the bedroom like a giant dog kennel piled with books...


I hope you enjoyed a peek into our world. Merry Christmas!

Tales of a Yard Sale

Once upon a time there was a woman named Amie *names have been changed to protect the stupid* who thought it would be a great idea to have a December yard sale to make a little extra for Christmas.

In the yard sale business there are two separate, yet equally important groups: the people who run the yard sale, and the husbands who bring them coffee.

These are their stories: *bum bum*

- at 6:45 there was a man outside in our yard looking at our empty tables. The signs said 8:00. He wanted to know if we had any knives or skateboards. For his early morning efforts he was rewarded by being guilt tripped into helping my husband move a dresser to the curb. It's still sitting there. No one bought it and we can't move it back.

- at 8:00 AM very nicely dressed Jehovah's Witnesses started coming. I should have anticipated this and NOT put one of my anti-Jehovah's Witnesses video cassettes in the sale pile, but hey.

-After one of the women purchased a scarf from me she asked if she could give me some reading material. I had other people waiting to "check out", so I took the material and smiled. A few minutes later a lady bought an exercise machine and asked if her daughter could come pick it up. She needed me to write my address for her. "Here, this is all I have to write on and I won't read it anyway" as I wrote my address on the back of the "reading material". She replied with "I am also a Jehovah's Witness, let me go to my car and get you something else." Cough, cough, sputter, uhum...

-One woman nearly wept as she hugged and stroked an Adrian Rogers book I had for sale.

- I wondered all day long why I didn't pay more attention in my Spanish classes so I could know if everyone was talking about me....

- One man pulled up to the curb in his truck, rolled down the window and started asking me if I had certain things. He asked in such a low tone of voice that I kept having to get closer and closer. Then I realized he wanted to kidnap me.

- Halfway through the day I went in to go to the bathroom and realized I couldn't feel my legs.

-important yard-sale lesson: kids can make ANYTHING and sell it. People will not turn down children. The kids sold all their cookies and ornaments!

- Another man slowed down and rolled down his window and asked "Do you have any cute brunettes with pigtails?" to which I replied "Only one, but she's taken." before realizing I should have ignored him.

- Yeah, apparently I want to be kidnapped.

- My sweet husband brought me coffee all day long. And he made me an egg sandwich for lunch. Anyone who brings you coffee and egg sandwiches is a keeper.

- At 3:00 we quit, at 4:00 I sat in my chair with a heating pad and lapsed into a coma until 6:00.

- I went to bed at 7:30.

We made a fair amount of money, but I will rethink this December- yard -sale -thing next time.

Those who live with me were great help, but told me (after the sale...) that they felt sorry for me as I sat outside in the 29 degree weather.

That's nice of you, since you were wrapped warmly on the couch in a blanket watching "The Bells of St. Mary".

BUT, you did bring me lots of coffee....

Ad-venting

I am afraid of our pace. Break-neck, lightning, full-speed and getting nowhere. I look around and notice that everyone is always “busy”, “exhausted”, “stressed” and worn-out. We are led to believe if we can't answer “How are you doing?” with one of the above words, then we must not be accomplishing anything of worth.

What if I answered that questions with “I'm calm, and at peace. I've been spending a lot of time in my chair drinking tea and reading.”? Would you react in your spirit with a “what is wrong with her?” or an “Oh I wish.....” mentality?

Have you seen the 4G cell phone commercials lately? The one with the guys tailgating at the football game and everyone around them has phones slower than theirs. I actually laughed out loud every time I saw it with the part about the guy coming of the RV asking if they knew how to upload videos to facebook, but they had already uploaded the video of him asking.....before he asked.

And then the other one with the ladies in the cafeteria? Someone walks up and asks if they knew so-and-so was quitting, and they already have video of the going away party and ask if he wants some leftover “face” cake?

Okay, I laughed at them for a while. And then I got uneasy with them. Just like the commercial about being able to take the movies you buy anywhere with you, and ends with a kid on a playground holding up an iphone with the cartoon on it. Yeah, I take my kids to the playground so he can watch cartoons too.

Are these a barometer of our own societal pressure?

I was in the ER the other night and it was a packed room. NO LIE, everyone there had a phone in their hand except this little old man that just looked lost. People texting, talking, keeping kids entertained with cartoons. That's when I had this thought...

If aliens came down and zapped our technology, we would all need medication. We wouldn't know how to entertain ourselves, get in touch with others, feed or clothe ourselves. Seriously, complete chaos would ensue.

Would you remember how to write a letter? Would you be able to call any of your friends? Probably not, considering we have all their phone numbers locked in our nice little phones and don't have to remember any of them. Would you remember how to research something without the internet?

No wonder we have a problem with “quiet times”, prayer, waiting on the Lord.

This is advent season. Advent – expectation, waiting. Do any of us ACTUALLY slow down at Christmas? We are supposed to be expectantly awaiting the day that Jesus broke into our hustle/bustle world. Slowly, eagerly anticipating the 25^th, the day we celebrate HIS birth.

I can't help but wonder if Satan is laughing at what we've turned Christmas into. That most of us zoom through the season, fretting over money and gifts and running here and there to party after party and gathering after gathering and rarely pausing to take a breath. Does he laugh? Does he feel proud of himself for all the whispering in our ears that was heeded?

Is our Father happy when we give a cursory 1-2 hours to him in celebration of his birth out of the hundreds of hours of the Christmas season?

Notice I am and not saying “YOU”, I am saying “WE”. I am guilty of this just like all others. I am wondering right now how we'll buy all the presents and make it to all the gatherings, and BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I want to change. I have said all this before, but I want my kids to value peace, slowness, quiet time. I don't want to be Amish, or Quakers, but I DO want to be quiet enough to actually HEAR when the Lord speaks to me. Am I? I mean, right now I should be resting in this bed. Am I resting? NO! I am blurry - eyed blogging!

I hope we all find a way to slow down for the Advent season. Intentional holding back. Intentional silence and meditation on what Christmas is. There's nothing wrong with Santa, and parties, and gifts, but shouldn't that be 2% and Jesus be 98%, instead of the other way around?

Celebrate Advent with me. An expectant hush, not a hurried rush.