Grace.
Such a loaded word. This one word can bring floods of thoughts of freedom, thankfulness, happiness, confusion, forgiveness, loveliness, restfulness the list goes on and on.
Were you surprised I included "confusion" in that list? I have my reasons....
Grace seems to be peppering every conversation I'm in lately. I am surrounded by it, can't get away from it. I see it everywhere, hear it everywhere, find a thousand reasons to think it through. All my thoughts come back to it, even my chores can lead to mental gymnastics about grace.
Because I don't get it.
Our culture doesn't get it (inside and outside the church, it seems). We speak of "falling from grace" when someone messes up and does something that is irredeemable - when Galatians 5:4 clearly speaks of falling from grace as falling back into living by rules and laws rather than freedom. That person who messed up? - he is probably falling INTO grace while we throw darts. I, on the other hand, fall from grace on an hourly basis....
It's illusive, intangible and does not fit in my to-do list. There is no little box to check for grace. I like those little boxes, they fit my need to be a Pharisee.
That's right, I called myself a Pharisee. My heart is so drawn to LAW. My entire makeup screams for order and lists and the need to fit things in boxes. But one conversation around the dinner table about the eternal security of babies or remote tribes who've never heard the gospel reminds me that God does not fit in my box. God doesn't fit in any body's box.
God is mystery.
Pharisee's don't like mystery.
My Bible reading program just took me on a journey through Job. I knew going into the book that I DID NOT want to read it, but my need to check off my little boxes would never allow me to skip. I've read it before, several times. Never liked it. God makes no sense in this book. God's mystery has fingerprints on every verse of this book, and I don't like the smudges they make. I don't like it. It doesn't fit into my God box. And then I get to a verse like this one:
And I take a deep breath, sigh, and say "No, I can't. I am so thankful I can't"
How my heart wrestles - I throw 2 year old tantrums about God not fitting in my box, and am SO GRATEFUL he doesn't.
I would not want to worship a god who fits in my box. That god would not be GOD. That god is me. How often do I worship my own boxed up version of who He is? Sadly, probably more than I like to admit.
I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but the older I get the more I do not understand God. It's such a paradox with everything else in life. With every other thing in life we devote time, money, and study to a subject and get better and more knowledgeable about it.
With God I get closer to Him and He get's more mysterious with every passing day.
Confusing? I think so.
Confusing but beautiful. The beautiful, grace-full mystery.
Linking up today with: Raising Mighty Arrows
Love it!
ReplyDeleteThisw is so true and honest. Grace is such a small word but has a deep meaning. I too am a box loving person. Just yesterday I was thinking about doing something (can't remember what now) nice for Hans because of all the nice stuff he does for me. Then I thought what would I do if he didn't do nice things for me. Grace is something that is given to someone without the other having merited it at all. I didn't like this thought... In my world things balance out, yet God's logic says He'l freely gives. But grace goes deeper and has a richer more mysterious depth than this....one day I'll understand its meaning and can't wait till then.
ReplyDelete"That person who messed up? - he is probably falling INTO grace while we throw darts. I, on the other hand, fall from grace on an hourly basis..."
ReplyDeleteI love this.
Can I just also add how brutal we are? I think darts are a mild weapon compared to what we do to people who are falling into grace. Why is it so easy for us to forget that we are one bad decision away from being that person ourselves?
Oh wait...it's because we're busy falling out of grace with our rules. I forgot.
so easy to forget.
ReplyDeleteThis post reflects my thoughts many times. I'm learning about grace for the first time, really, even though I've been a Christian for many years. I see that my default is to think and behave like a Pharisee, but my desire is to live fully aware of grace and be able to give it and receive it. I, too, am so very thankful that God is beyond searching out. He is so much more than I ever knew Him to be before I learned of His absolute sovereignty. I'm just so very thankful. Love the post!
ReplyDeleteAmy in AL