I felt guilty. I did. His little eyes, red rimmed. Rubbing them saying "I'm okay, I'm okay" as I drove away made me think really hard about turning the car back around. I felt guilty about leaving the kids, leaving my husband, the school that would be missed, the money that would be spent, the rich foods sure to be eaten. GUILT was everywhere.
Then I started driving. Five hours alone in the car and with each passing mile there were weights dropping off of me. Once I realized that I AM doing this, there's no backing out I knew that I needed to chill out and breathe. So I did. I breathed. For the first two hours I didn't even turn on the radio, it was just me and God and some really beautiful countryside.
Then I pulled out old CD's that were long forgotten and had a few concerts with some old Bebo Norman and Caedmon's Call and I worshipped and cried and talked to God about all the things that I hadn't found time to REALLY hash out.
It was all worth it just for the car ride.
But then came the friendships. My old northern roomie (the one who used to call me dainty and laugh at me for asking her to turn off the "big light") who has always been able to make me laugh no matter the situation. We've been through ups and downs, but it's amazing how you can not see each other for two years and just pick RIGHT up where you left off like it was yesterday.
My oldest and dearest friend, Jessica, who keeps me in line and likes to pick on me (yep, I said it. Go ahead and comment on it, Bufkin....) but loves me dearly. As evidenced by all the mathematical bloopers I made this weekend that ended up with this on my facebook wall (she made it just for me...) , thank you very much friend...
Thankfully shes a planner so that we all actually get together every now and then.
The sweetest doctor I know who has no idea that she is a shining light of faith to everyone around her. She really doesn't. She has MS and you would never know it from her attitude, her smile, her talk of the Lord.
There were six of us all together, studying James, eating lots of brownies and laughing until our sides hurt. We cried over lost babies, lost sanity, and lost dreams. We laughed over our mommy bellies and old antics. We went to bed much earlier than we would have 10 years ago.
I'm pretty sure heaven will be a little like this weekend.
Linked with: Thankful Homemaker, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, and Time-Warp Wife