This all makes no sense.
That's what I keep thinking. I mean, they tag what I have with phrases like "Anxiety issues" and "panic disorder", and everything I read (especially Christian things) tells you how to relax, stop worrying, let go and blah blah. Here's the thing: I'm not worried. I'm not stressed. This, in my life, is truly SENSELESS.
As I sit here, in the middle of my second try at the medication dance, I am trying desperately to praise Him in this, to not let this consume me. So tired of daily life being all about ME and survival.
What keeps running through my mind is an old Casting Crowns song...
I will praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I cry
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I am so thankful God has brought this to mind. I have literally laid here in my bed with my arms lifted high, praising Him.
How? How do people go through these things (and much worse) without a loving heavenly Father who we know loves us and cares what we're going through? I am truly mystified by this.
I'm quite sure that by the time I post this, all will be well. That's the way this dance works, today is awful but tomorrow will be quite all right. So, no worries (Jessica...), I have full faith that at some point we will figure this thing out and I'll be looking back on this as a time when God pulled me out of the pit.
I write this, not so that you will feel sorry for me, or leave me "oh no!" comments. No. I write this because I want you to know that you are not alone. That we all struggle. Whether it's with a mental issue like mine or a physcial or spiritual one. We all struggle together. It's called "community", and it is beautiful.
This life is not a prima donna on stage with her solo performance. This life we live together is much more like a crazy country western line dance. So let's all heel-toe-dosey-doe knowing that we have friends to help us along the way.
Linked up with: The Better Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Holy Experience, The Miss-Elaine-ous Life, Working Kansas Homemaker,
Far Above Rubies