When schooling gets overwhelming, when a child cries in the night burning with fever, when my home looks like the aftermath of a tornado five minutes after a day of cleaning. I was never supposed to be comfortable here, but I try so hard.
The funny thing is, when I am reminded of this and I let go of the tight reign I attempt to have on my life, I feel so free. I'm free for those short moments of trust..... and then the whispers from the enemy break through. The father of lies tries to tell me hang on. Hang on to my children with all my might, hang on to my husband as tight as I can, hang on to my youth at all costs, just cling to things.
Yesterday my Mother-in-law's younger sister died in a car wreck. Her 2 year old granddaughter was in the car with her and is right now fighting for her life after undergoing brain surgery. I can't help but think about the fact that yesterday morning she was having breakfast, sipping her coffee, having no idea she only had a few hours left on this earth. I can't help but look at my kids and project all that pain and suffering on to something that may happen to them.I cling. And it hurts.
Driving to the movie store, thinking through the fact that Aunt Amy was driving just like this before her life ended (and beginning to panic), my children start talking about heaven. They start talking about streets of gold, discussing amongst themselves what a gate of pearl would look like and who they will get to see when they get there. My daughter wants very much to meet Laura Ingalls, my son....our dog that died.
The breath comes back. I am reminded. This world is not my home. Death is not the end, but a beginning of something so much more beautiful than all I could ask or imagine.
My grip loosens. A little. Praying for it to loosen it's grip even more.
Praying for your family.
ReplyDeleteAMEN friend. Sorry to hear about John's aunt. Praying
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your aunt and her child. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about this tragedy. Life is so unpredictable that it's terrifying sometimes. I deal a lot with anxiety and fears because life is so not what I hoped it would be. And I have been in a bit of a depressed funk for awhile. And to get out of it, I began a list of things I am thankful for. And my #1 thing is "I am thankful that this life is not all there is. The best is yet to come." While I think that this life sucks way too much sometimes, I am thankful that this isn't all we get. God will redeem it all in the end and make it all right again. Until then, I am doing my best to glorify Him in the daily monotony of life, to find things I am thankful for, and to help as many people as possible find their way to Him. And someday, all of this pain and all the trials will be gone forever. Thank God!
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